no sleep.

ok, to write how I feel. I don't really know. Slept last two days alot, worried that I was getting very depressed again, but feeling on edge all the time I was awake. Can't do anything. My mind goes into overdrive. "I'll mess that up, what about that/////and that//////and that//// and ///// and///// and/////.
Fuck it, go to sleep and stop it or start crying. But I can't hardly cry anymore. Just alot of nothing there.
And now, didn't sleep at all last night. Well, about an hour ten to eleven, then wide awake all night.
So what the fuck is wrong with me????

I need to volunteer at the old folks home. I can't accomplish anything else right now. Get busy and do something for someone!!!!

L back home. How do I feel? That I should start with how do I feel says alot, don't it!!!!!
Nancy is worrying about how L feels and how I feel, and I am thinking about how I feel!!
He and I are so much alike. I worry that in some way I made him become like me, to treat situations like he learned from his old dad? I seem to genuine be this bipolar thing and I think he is also.
(I think we would both be better off in the woods somewhere with a couple of rifles a pack of matches and a knife))(.~!!)(!)(!)(!))!))!))!)J()J_)J_)J__)What is it0)(!J)(!.

car salesman

You can get by being a fool or being poor.
but god can only help you if youre a poor fool.
One of the home spun homilies of a car salesman who gives advice as he sells cars. A (one of a kind) honest car salesman, he takes more than a fair deal from those he sales to by being observant and letting them make most of the decsions.
Most couples have one who makes the decision and surely ya'll know better than me trying to figure it out. So, you tell me which one, and I'll derect my talk to them and the other can work on trying to figure out if I am full of shit. At least thats the way it has come to work for me and my wife. She is obviously the one who makes the decsions and I'm the one who doesn't trust a  soul.

This all came from me worring about where the moths had gone. We have a night light on a power poll outside. I have convinced myself that something is bad wrong in the world because the moths are gone. they are just not there anymore. none this whole year.
My wife informed me that there was to be a meteor shower tonight. As I was outside looking up at the sky, I swore I saw a meteor. and then another and another.
Then it  hit me. BATS.   That is where the moths have gone this year. Sure enough, I stayed out and concentrated on seeing the bats and there they were. Not armegedon----BATS!!!!!


idea for short story
Sword made for grandson to match maturity. Had made sword for father to conquer evil empire and become king. Made sword for grandson that look and felt real but became like velcro? when hitting a living thing.
1. short and of light weight
2. regular weight for adelescence
3. first real sword for teenage years. Was broken with fight with father and is shorter than others.
4. real sword, like fathers.
5. the great sword, becomes hard and sharp enough to cut through anything it hits.
6. the sword of thought, moves with your thoughts and instincts.
7. last sword made. fights on its own. for old age. only purpose is to follow owners purpose.

close enough to perfect

Busy day yesterday. A lot busier for some others though. Amy is one determined girl. Got to know her family alot better and enjoyed the company. Her mother is almost as crazy as I am. Saw Oak tonight and later thought of this song lyric "close enough to perfect for me". Guess that best describes it. Sure was nice to see Amy and John so happy. Same goes for Nancy. Even saw one very happy face on George tonight. Who knows, someone may have noticed a content look on my mug tonight.

Oakley

And so he begins............