Just another sleepless night

Saturday night with no sleep in sight. Might as well be writing, but I honestly have nothing to say. Here goes.
I love the night outside by myself. When I was young and I couldn't sleep, I would go walk the streets around our neighborhood. I think its the quiet and the freedom of being totally on your own. No responsibilities, no worries, and most of all, no one else. I told my wife about doing this and how much I enjoyed it. Her reply? "Well, that explains a lot about when your depression started." Now I wonder if that is really true. I do know that that is when I first started to enjoy drinking alone. Actually, I guess it was the first time I enjoyed drinking period. (I guess I could get in a lot of trouble stealing wine from the quick mart and walking around the neighborhood drinking these days.) Now I don't smoke or drink or wander the neighborhood, but I do sit and stare up at the sky in the dark and ponder the why. When I was drinking, I actually would come up with some kind of answers, or the possibility of finding answers, didn't even need to be the right answers,  that at least would calm me for the night. Not many answers have I found lately. It really is as they say......"growing up ain't all it's cracked up to be."