Oh where are we

Another night battling sleep. But mostly battling thoughts and questions and the lack of answers.
Medicatons000===do they really help in the long run. Everyone seems to think so. But I continually wonder what would be the result of me going off all meds. Could it be much worse??? The people that have lived with me think that medicine is what is holding me together, I guess. And, Lord knows, they are probably right. Although I  distrust most people, the few I do trust say to stay on medication. And so I have. For many, many years now. But I can't stop with them around me, and I can't leave them to stop; so here I am. I am trying this writhing in a stream tonight. This is usually not the way I do things. I usually have to  fret and worry over each sentence. Is that what I really mean? Is that clear what I am saying. Will someone else get something totally different out of what i am writing? I ponder over these while writing and usually, the things I worry about happening do anyway. I don't think people understand the points that I am trying to make in my writings. So why do I waste all my time trying to help them see my point of view?  Only because, maybe, it helps me see my point of view a little clearer. (I see that SNL character doing
George Bush senior)====medications are bad, bad
depression is bad, bad
anxiety is bad, bad.
crazy thoughts are bad, bad.
ocd is bad, bad.
uncertainty is bad, bad, baad.
Oh well, enough for tonight. I wonder what this will look like. It will stay. Can't look as bad as some of my writing when I had been drinking.

and now I write on a forum. Of one.
And I return to correct my spelling.